Attempting to Understand the “New” Language

Your kids talk.  The words sound like English but nothing makes sense.  I know because I’m in the same boat.  So, allow me to share what I have learned with you.  One of my kids eli5’d these terms to me.  It’s interesting boots.

ELI5 – Explain like I’m five.  When a discussion is too difficult to follow and you want an easy-to-understand explanation, you can say eli5.  From what I was told, this is popular on forums but it hasn’t reached mainstream conversation, yet.  If your teen spends some time on Reddit, this one may come up.

Boots aren’t just for wearing this year.  It’s also used for emphasis, similar to how a normal person would use very, but added after the adjective or verb.  For example, if you’re very tired, you are now tired boots.  On a side note, if you didn’t sleep well and have a busy day ahead of you, you could always set your Adderall Alarm Clock.  Here, you set your alarm an hour early, take your prescribed stimulant, go back to sleep, and in about an hour, you wake up turnt.

Turnt, you ask?  Oh yes, that would be when you are in full party mode.  I suppose if you wake up turnt, that might be a problem, since it does refer to partying and large amounts of alcohol.  But hey, who am I to judge?  Turnt away.

If your teen throws shade at you, it might be time to take away the X-Box.  This is the new way of saying passive-aggressive.  It’s a negative statement put in a pleasant way.  Like, “Hey Dad, I love the way that you don’t care if your gut sticks out.”  Thanks kid, forget about that ride to your friend’s house!

Even worse is if your kid calls you basic.  They mean to say that you are boring, that you have no defining characteristics.  It also means that you lack intelligence and have no social skills.  Ouch!  Bad kid!  It’s made worse if your teen gives you a facepalm while doing it – they are emphasizing their point with body language, essentially calling you an idiot.  Kids can be so mean!

On the other hand, if your kid tells you that your hair is on fleek, this is a compliment.  It means that it looks good, or ‘on-point’.  For some reason, most online references use this to describe eyebrows, but I think that it can be used for anything.

If you’re sitting around at breakfast and your son starts talking about a disgusting fruit roll-up he ate last night, be concerned.  Be very concerned.  A disgusting fruit roll-up refers to the flavor of edible underwear.  Which in-itself, I suppose, isn’t that bad, but it’s probably not a conversation that you want to have with your kids.

 This list goes on and on, but this should get you started.  Good luck in understanding your kids.  I know that I need it!

Dylan Callens

About the Author...

Dylan Callens is a writer and educator living in Sudbury, Ontario. 

His debut novel, Operation Cosmic Teapot, was a resounding success. Since then, Dylan has written a number of other books, including the upcoming series, The Haber Effect

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