Google Ruined My Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet

dots
Romeo and Juliet

Enjoy this Google Shakespeare Translation of Sonnet 18. It is delightful nonsense that will keep you guessing and laughing at what could be next. If you enjoy it, be sure to check out Richard Pickman’s new “Google Ruined My…” books.

Romeo and Juliet - Act 2, Scene 2

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.

‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy.

Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.

What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,

Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part

Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other word would smell as sweet.

So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called,

Retain that dear perfection which he owes

Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,

And for that name, which is no part of thee

Take all myself.

Google Translate Version

Romeo, Romeo! Romeo

Reject your father and your name.

If you don’t like it, swear

And I will not leave without you.

Your name is my enemy

Even if you are not a stenographer.

What is Monday? It has no arms and no legs

No hands, no face, no other side.

There are no humans. Give it another name!

What is your name? There’s something called a rose

That is, it causes nightmares.

That is why Romeo is called Romeo.

Keep it perfect

If you do not have that name, Romeo,

You are not a member of your family.

Be careful, all of you.

“Do you make your sword out of irony? Out of your ears?”

And then… Tybalt kills Mercutio! Remember that?

No?

Google Translate turns Romeo and Juliet into something absurd. Like when Romeo first lays eyes upon Juliet and says, “She seems to be hanging out in a nightclub, like a pair of rich ears in Ethiopia.” Or when Friar Laurence explains that Mother Nature has “twelve kinds of babies around her neck.”

How bizarre does the dialogue get? That’s for you to find out – just don’t expect anything more than a whole lot of nonsense and fun.

close
Cosmic Teapot Logo

WANT MORE?

GET A FREE COPY OF THE HABER EFFECT OR BECOMING CULTISH WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE THE LATEST NEWS, WRITING & RAMBLINGS.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.

Dylan Callens

About the Author...

Dylan Callens is a writer and educator living in Sudbury, Ontario. 

You can support Dylan’s efforts by buying one of his books on Amazon. 

Cosmic Teapot Logo

WANT MORE?

GET A FREE COPY OF THE HABER EFFECT OR BECOMING CULTISH WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE THE LATEST NEWS, WRITING & RAMBLINGS.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.

This Post Has 21 Comments

  1. Stormproxies.com

    You really make it appear really easy along with your presentation but I in finding this topic to be really something that I feel I’d never understand. It sort of feels too complex and very large for me. I’m taking a look ahead in your next publish, I will try to get the dangle of it!

  2. zovre lioptor

    This design is wicked! You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

  3. Antje

    I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your blogs really
    nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back later.
    All the best

  4. Flor

    Hello, i believe that i noticed you visited my blog so i got here to
    go back the choose?.I’m trying to find things to enhance my website!I guess its good enough to
    make use of some of your ideas!!

  5. Katlyn

    Hey! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be
    ok. I’m definitely enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates.

  6. Lorri

    Hey! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new apple iphone!
    Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to
    all your posts! Keep up the excellent work!

  7. Margret

    Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article.I’ll make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more ofyour useful information. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely comeback.

  8. Eddy

    Today, I went to the beach front with my children. I found a sea shell and gave
    it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the
    shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab
    inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back!
    LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

  9. Evelia

    I believe that is one of the such a lot significant information for me.And i’m happy reading your article. However should commentary on few common things,The site style is perfect, the articles is really excellent : D.Good process, cheers

  10. Alphonso

    Thank you a lot for sharing this with all people you really recognize what you’re talking
    approximately! Bookmarked. Please also seek advice from my web site =).
    We can have a hyperlink change contract among us

  11. Bettie

    hello there and thank you for your information – I’ve definitely picked
    up anything new from right here. I did however expertise some technical issues using this web site, since
    I experienced to reload the web site many times previous to I could get it to load
    correctly. I had been wondering if your web hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and could
    damage your high quality score if advertising and
    marketing with Adwords. Well I am adding this RSS to my email and could look out for a lot more of your respective interesting content.

    Make sure you update this again soon.

  12. Rebbeca

    Admiring the dedication you put into your blog and detailed information you present.
    It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed material.
    Wonderful read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  13. Mckenzie

    Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established
    blog. Is it tough to set up your own blog?
    I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick.
    I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to
    begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? With thanks

  14. Jolie

    Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but
    after looking at a few of the articles I realized it’s new to
    me. Anyways, I’m certainly pleased I stumbled upon it
    and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back frequently!

  15. Kindra

    You’re so interesting! I don’t suppose I’ve truly
    read through a single thing like that before.
    So great to discover another person with a few genuine thoughts on this subject.
    Really.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is something that is needed on the internet,
    someone with a little originality!

  16. Demi

    It’s fantastic that you are getting thoughts from this post as well as
    from our dialogue made here.

  17. Stacey

    Normally I don’t learn post on blogs, however I wish to
    say that this write-up very forced me to check out and do so!
    Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, quite nice post.

  18. Santiago

    I like what you guys tend to be up too. Such clever work and coverage!
    Keep up the terrific works guys I’ve added you guys to our blogroll.

  19. Elisa

    Saved as a favorite, I love your web site!

  20. Woodrow

    Thanks for sharing such a good idea, article
    is good, thats why i have read it entirely

  21. Jay

    I am really glad to read this website posts which consists of lots
    of helpful data, thanks for providing these information.

Leave a Reply