Google Ruined My Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet

Romeo and Juliet

Enjoy this Google Shakespeare Translation of Sonnet 18. It is delightful nonsense that will keep you guessing and laughing at what could be next. If you enjoy it, be sure to check out Richard Pickman’s new “Google Ruined My…” books.

Romeo and Juliet - Act 2, Scene 2

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.

‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy.

Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.

What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,

Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part

Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other word would smell as sweet.

So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called,

Retain that dear perfection which he owes

Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,

And for that name, which is no part of thee

Take all myself.

Google Translate Version

Romeo, Romeo! Romeo

Reject your father and your name.

If you don’t like it, swear

And I will not leave without you.

Your name is my enemy

Even if you are not a stenographer.

What is Monday? It has no arms and no legs

No hands, no face, no other side.

There are no humans. Give it another name!

What is your name? There’s something called a rose

That is, it causes nightmares.

That is why Romeo is called Romeo.

Keep it perfect

If you do not have that name, Romeo,

You are not a member of your family.

Be careful, all of you.

“Do you make your sword out of irony? Out of your ears?”

And then… Tybalt kills Mercutio! Remember that?


Google Translate turns Romeo and Juliet into something absurd. Like when Romeo first lays eyes upon Juliet and says, “She seems to be hanging out in a nightclub, like a pair of rich ears in Ethiopia.” Or when Friar Laurence explains that Mother Nature has “twelve kinds of babies around her neck.”

How bizarre does the dialogue get? That’s for you to find out – just don’t expect anything more than a whole lot of nonsense and fun.

Dylan Callens

About the Author...

Dylan Callens is a writer and educator living in Sudbury, Ontario. 

His debut novel, Operation Cosmic Teapot, was a resounding success. Since then, Dylan has written a number of other books, including the upcoming series, The Haber Effect