Dylan Callens (Page 2)

Stuff by Dylan Callens.

Lost Mitten

About five years ago my mother sent up a tub full of stuff from when I was a kid.  The tub sat in my garage until recently, when I came across it again and finally started sorting through it.  In this tub was a book of things that I wrote in grade one. I can’t promise that they will be well written.  But then again, I can’t always promise that of my current writing either. I’d also like to point out that my use of periods is pretty amazing.  I now possess that ability with commas.  Pesky friggin’ commas. Enjoy!Read More →

Pope Urban II delivering his message at Clermont.

Chapter Title:  On the Politics of Kicking Ass and Taking Names This chapter – oh this chapter.  I had a very difficult time with this chapter.  In the early days of writing the novel, this chapter almost ended the whole effort.  I chalk it up to inexperience because now I would have approached it differently. In this chapter, after God enters from another Bacchanalia, Freud tweaks on crystal meth.  Crystal meth is one of those drugs that I’d love to try but fear, so I don’t.  I watched many, many documentaries on crystal meth all for just a few linesRead More →

Odin and Loki

Chapter Title:  On the Aesthetics of Guarding One’s Ass How beautiful can it be to guard one’s ass?  I’m not sure.  But it makes me giggle.  In this chapter we’re introduced to the Norse gods Odin, Loki, Thor and Freya.  They basically play their traditional roles from Norse mythology; that is to say, Odin believes himself to be the leader, Loki is a trickster, Thor the strongman, and Freya is beautiful but cunning.  There are only a few caveats to their traditional roles.  First, since the gods are no longer in Asgard, the other three feel that Odin should noRead More →


Chapter Title:  On the Genealogy of Better Beginnings The title of this chapter is taken from Nietzsche’s first essay in The Genealogy of Morals.  At first, I attempted to replicate the entire opening paragraph but that proved to be quite a boring read, so I only took a couple of phrases from it.  I don’t mean that Nietzsche’s work is boring – far from it.  I just mean as a piece of fiction, it didn’t work very well.  At any rate, here is the paragraph from Nietzsche’s work: These English psychologists, who have to be thanked for having made theRead More →

Chapter Title:  On the Nature of Re-Genesis The titles of each chapter are probably my favorite parts of the book.  I can’t remember how they came to be, exactly, but they are meant to poke fun at philosophical treatises.  Each one follows the format:  On the (philosophical term) of (something relevant to the chapter).  I’m not really sure what the nature of re-genesis is, but I do like the sound of it. The first inside joke happens pretty much right away.  I like to try and use numbers that are relevant in some way when I need a date.  InRead More →

Operation Cosmic Teapot Cover

When I first set out to write Operation Cosmic Teapot, I did so to entertain myself.  I wanted to write a book that would make me laugh while allowing me to look into a number of philosophies.  OCT was the result.  More recently, I started thinking about writing a reader’s guide because while I did try to layer the book so that it would be amusing to both non-philosophers and philosophers, it occurred to me that maybe some people would like to know just what the heck I mean by one thing or another.  The funny thing is that I’mRead More →

Writers can be a strange breed, including the way that they died.  Here is a shortlist of the most bizarre. 1o.  Tenessee Williams (1911 – 1983) While known for abusing a variety of substances, the one that did him in wasn’t meant to get him high.  Williams choked to death on a plastic cap from eye drops.  The cap lodged in his throat and he was unable to spit it out, apparently due to the vast quantities of drugs in his system.  He could have at least made it an animal figurine, for the sake of irony. 9.  Sir Francis Bacon  (1561 –Read More →

Whether the creators of Robot Chicken, Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, know it or not, their show is a fascinating demonstration of Jacques Derrida’s philosophical theory of deconstruction.  For those that haven’t seen the show, and I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t have yet, Robot Chicken is a stop motion comedy sketch that reduces pop culture to its (ahem) finest elements. Deconstruction In short, deconstruction is a form of critical analysis that looks at the hidden meaning in both language and structure.  In this short piece, I’m only dealing with what Derrida calls, “the center” from his lecture, Structure, SignRead More →

Your kids talk.  The words sound like English but nothing makes sense.  I know because I’m in the same boat.  So, allow me to share what I have learned with you.  One of my kids eli5’d these terms to me.  It’s interesting boots. ELI5 – Explain like I’m five.  When a discussion is too difficult to follow and you want an easy-to-understand explanation, you can say eli5.  From what I was told, this is popular on forums but it hasn’t reached mainstream conversation, yet.  If your teen spends some time on Reddit, this one may come up. Boots aren’t justRead More →

May 9, 2026 A cold breeze smacked Joan sharply in the face as she sat on top of the building, next to a bricked exterior which housed the heating exhaust.  She could see the Victory Day Parade on the streets of Moscow below her, where the military procession endlessly marched into her view momentarily before being interrupted by the roof’s ledge.  She also noted the beautiful copulas that capped some of the Kremlin’s towers.  She waited, sure to not make a sound, as she didn’t want the gun-man around the corner to know that she was there with him. “Yes,Read More →